I was super excited when I found out that we were going to be studying 1 & 2 Peter together because my hubby just finished preaching through 1 Peter. Since I have a poor memory I am hopeful that this study will cement into my brain the things I have learned. So let’s dig in, shall we?
What is the the outward sign of a changed heart? What is the true mark of a Christian? Is it passion? A wealth of knowledge? Social action or political involvement? Is it generosity? While all of these things are good things, they are not the defining marks of a true believer.
Peter teaches us what this mark really is.
Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God;
1 Peter 1:22-23
Love! This is the mark of a true believer.
Peter knows this is the proof of a changed heart because he heard Jesus say this very thing.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 (emphasis added)
So what does it mean to love someone? I think to best understand this we need to first look at the opposite of love which is hate.
Now most of us would say that we are not hateful people. Hate is such a strong word I don’t even like my children using it. On the surface hate is not something that I feel that I struggle with. But the painful truth is, I am wrong – and you may be too.
Here are a few characteristics of hate:
- speaking ill of someone (slander and gossip)
- not seeking their good
- wishing harm or misfortune on someone
- finding secret pleasure when things don’t go well for another
- unjust anger
- refusing to forgive
- ignoring someone
- indifference toward another’s circumstance
Are any of these found in your life? Ugh, some of these are alive and well in my own heart. And these are not just the rumblings of frustration in a fallen world. They are manifestations of hatred.
“Hate is often more subtle than wrath, and quieter than rage.” – Joe Thorn
Love
Love should be what governs everything we do and say. It is what pushes us to know and obey God’s word and it is the driving force behind us doing good to the people around us. I could give you a succinct definition of love, but that is too easy. I find it even more helpful to answer the question, “What is love?” by looking at 1Cor. 13.
Love is:
- Patient with others
- Kind to all
- It does not want what it doesn’t have
- It doesn’t brag or think itself superior to others
- It is not rude
- It is not irritable
- It isn’t resentful
- It does not rejoice at other’s misfortunes or wrongs done to them
Love:
- Rejoices and pursues truth
- Bears all things (or puts up with anything)
- Always believes the best
- Endures all things
- Believes God
Peter tells us that these are the virtues that ooze out of loving hearts and into the lives of others. But I get overwhelmed looking at those lists. I am overwhelmed, and sometimes discouraged, because of the hateful ways I see in myself. I don’t love the way I should. I want to, but I fail.
Don’t be discouraged, because this is where the good news of the Gospel speaks words of encouragement and hope to us. Christ not only loves us, but he loved perfectly for us and died for our selfishness and less than perfect love towards others. And through his love we have been gifted with power to change, to love more deeply and to put ourselves last.
We must continue to work at loving others and killing selfishness, not to gain favor with God, but to work out our salvation and to show others that we are new creatures in Christ. But such work is the work of faith, and is ever-dependent on Jesus.
What are some things that we can actually do to practice love?
Here are a few thoughts.
- Become a good listener; otherwise you won’t know what someone needs, how to pray for, or care for them.
- Ask forgiveness without explanation or excuses
- Be generous
- Include others into your circle of friends, small groups, and Bible studies
- Put people before your own interests
- Be willing to sacrifice for others
- Tell the truth with kindness and wisdom
- Encourage with the gospel
- Pray for them
Loving others is not easy. As a matter a fact it is one of the hardest things to do. Sure, loving our friends doesn’t seem to be too hard, but what about the person who is always annoying? The one who knows how to push our buttons? The one who doesn’t care? The one who is malicious? The one who takes us for granted? The family members who are difficult? The strangers who inconvenience us? Or even our fellow Christians who believe differently?
In order to love well we need to keep our eyes on Jesus, the perfector of our love and the example of how to love well.
Looking to Jesus,
Chime in:
What is the hardest part about loving others? And who in your life has shown you the greatest example of love?
Just yesterday, I became frustrated with several people on the phone at work. They asked questions, I answered. They asked the same questions, I answered again . . . and again. I’m talking, but no one is listening. Rather than become frustrated, I should have asked if they were having a bad day. I try to love people and sometimes I’m successful. And sometimes I fail.
Oh Tania don’t we all. I am so grateful, though, that God’s mercies are new every single morning. Every single day the Lord gives us new opportunity, a fresh start, a second chance to show love to the unlovable. In those opportunities, He also teaches us patience, endurance, and forgiveness! I’ll be praying for you. Thank you so much for sharing!
~Terria
Over the past several months, I have been having a difficult time trusting God with a couple aspects of my life. One has been the timing of when my husband and I will have children. We have been thinking of this matter since the beginning of fall and have been trying for a few months with no success. Just before Christmas, a friend of ours in our small group at church announced they were expecting. Since this announcement, it seemed like this women, who I thought I was good friends with has distanced herself from me. This has hurt me and since I feel I am building resentment towards her. It never dawned on me until I read the blog this morning, that I was actually building up hatred towards her. Ugh, how disgusting that makes me feel. Hate is such a strong word, but it is what I’ve been building up since her seemingly easy conception of a child and distance. Even worse, I wonder if she picks up on these feelings. I do hope not. However, I am grateful this has been revealed to me and something I can pray about and work on, because I do so value this friendship.
My heart goes out to you. Maybe your friend isn’t intentionally distancing herself from you, but knowing how badly you want children and how hard you have been trying, she erroneously felt you may feel some resentment when you heard of her pregnancy. Since you value her friendship, I bet she would welcome a chat with you to straighten things out and dismiss the negative feelings. You are in my prayers. I pray God will gift you with a child as well.
I find it very difficult to listen to a person that is so braggadocios. They like to speak of all the wonderful things they do for others, how much money they have, always boasting. I try to understand that their background was not the most favorable and that they are proud of their accomplishments, but it gets old. God says we are not to be proud. He is aware of our good works. I try to be a good listener, show my love and admiration. It is hard to comment. This is one of my downfalls. I do love them but not this part if their personality. I need to love the whole person and not let this irritate me.
Gloria,
You have mentioned one of the biggest struggles in our Christian walk: hate the sin, but not the sinner. Oh, but for the grace of God go I. I was one of those bragging people. I bragged because I was empty. I bragged because I craved the external approval from others. I bragged because I did not believe I was worthy of love unless I was achieving. But God… God met me where I was at. He sent someone who was patient with my attitude. She taught me that she would be my friend and love and support me even when I failed. She showed me God.
Thank you for doing all you can for these braggarts in your life. They need you. They need you to show them Christ. They need you to give them the living water of the Word. They need your love. I’ll be praying for you!
Thank you Terria!! Love God Greatly!!
I have such a hard time loving someone that I feel is taking advantage of me. At the same time that is the same person who has been a great example of love and forgiveness towards me….my husband. I need to always believe the best in people. Being able to sacrifice for others, also is hard. Its easy for me to say if you need anything call. But when they call and I’m tired and had a hard day, do I go and help or do I look at the caller id? This post hits home, its the truth. I need to show love.
Angela,
Thank you for being so forthcoming in your post. You are so right about the sacrifice in service. It can be exhausting, taxing on our bodies and minds, and sometimes there is little reward. I think of Jesus meeting people exactly where they were. The woman at the well…He offered forgiveness. The man with the sick child…He offered healing. The demon-possessed man…He offered freedom. The blind man…He offered sight. It must have worn Him out. But I also see Jesus’ humanity. He slept on the boat during the storm. He got weary. He took time away to be alone and get refreshed by God. I will praying that you find that same balance between service and rest/refreshing. I’ll also be praying that you not become weary in well-doing! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Terria
Your words are always encouraging.
I like to think that, in general, I do an okay job at loving others (obviously I often fail, but I try….) However, there are a few people in my life that I think of and treat more like the “hate” column than the “love” one. They are people who have gossiped badly about me (one of the things in the Hate category!) so I find it so so hard to treat them any other way. How do I get the bitterness out of my heart?
Also, I’m still having a hard time thinking of practical ways to “love”. I know Jen gave a list about what we can do, but even in those suggestions, I have a hard time knowing exactly what that means. You know? How do I practically apply love to my everyday living? What is love? An attitude? An action? A thought? A word spoken? Help please!
Thanks for this lovely article! 🙂
Chelsea,
I can tell you are really trying to apply this Scriptural truth to your life, and that is so awesome.
I have struggled with bitterness. My pastor likes to say that bitterness is like swallowing poison and expecting someone else to die. What helped me was to pray for God to help me forgive that person, and I memorized some verses about forgiveness to help me keep my “game face” on. One passage that has really helped me in this area is Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
It’s also an encouragement to me to realize that Christ died for people who betrayed Him, so He totally understands my pain when people hurt me. I can pray about it and be honest with Him about how I am feeling. As we head into Easter, thinking about the cross reminds me that I have been forgiven of soooo much, so I need to work on forgiving those who have hurt me. I can lay those hurts down at the foot of the cross and ask God to bring new life into those relationships. (I may have to do this more than once, but I will keep trying!)
My suggestion is that you pray and ask God to show you specific and practical ways to show love to your people (and that you pray for God to bless and protect those people… praying for them is one great way to show love.)
Blessings,
Lyli
LGG Encourager.
Hi Chelsea,
You are right, love is much more complicated then we like it to be. Love is a virtue. It is a character quality that comes out in our speech, actions and thoughts. So love comes out in the tone of voice we use when we speak to someone, in the thoughts we entertain about them and the things we do for or to them. We love someone by the way we talk about them as well as how we pray for them.
The best way to understand love it to study Jesus and his interactions with the people around him and by seeing how God treats us as we sin against him over and over again.
I don’t think love is something we will master overnight. It will take time. Time to study, read, pray and practice.
Praying for you!
Thank you so much for your answer! It helps a lot!
i am stuck at a crossroads here. See, the person that i just discovered i ‘hate’ is my own mother. She was very abusive to all of her children, my half sister was molested by my father for over a decade and she knew it but did nothing to stop it. she told me once that it meant he was leaving her alone, yet at the cost of my sister from ages 4-13. i got out, got married, and had children. she began to treat my children badly, calling my two week old daughter nasty names. i stopped contact with her when she chose not to change .at that point she started writing weekly letters to my inlaws telling them horrible things about me and calling me nasty names. my inlaws stopped opening them after the first couple of letters and tossed the others in the garbage unopened, this continued for three years! when my daughter was 12 she was abducted and murdered by a family friend. my mother lived ten miles from us. she did not call me, send a card, send flowers, or come to the funeral. yet because she wasn’t mentioned in the obituary she said many many nasty things about me. three years ago my sister contacted me and asked me to go to the hospital to check on my mother. my husband and i did so, as a favor to my sister. my husband didn’t really understand the past i had with my mother. he felt sorry for her because she played the usual self pity card with him. the doctor said mother could no longer live alone because of her health issues. i had told my husband that she was not going to come to live with us. while i was out of the room my mother played on my husbands good heart and got him to agree that we would take care of her so she would not have to go into a nursing home. we moved her in with us and she lived with us for two years. in that time she used my credit card to make purchases, she abused my dogs physically, she did numerous things that i kept asking her not to, which caused food to spoil that she hid under her bed because i didn’t allow eating in the bedrooms and we had a huge cockroach problem and mouse infestation that caused me to lose our deposit on our apartment when we had to move. now, to present day, she fell almost a year ago and broke her leg. she came home after a month in the hospital and rehab. when she came home she refused to get out of bed. she would soil the bed rather than get up to use the bathroom, she would refuse to get up off of the toilet when she did use the bathroom. she wanted my husband to be her ‘nurse’ and he refused because he said he would not bathe her and she was very angry over that. as a family we got together and had her placed into a nursing home a year ago. when i have visited her she claims she doesn’t know who i am and talks about me and my siblings horribly, saying all kinds of things that are untrue. i was investigated because she told the hospital that she didn’t fall and break her leg but that i had beat her up and broke her bones. after speaking with her they determined that there was absolutely no grounds to investigate or bother me further. when she lived with us i did everything i could to help her and to try to show her love and compassion. i have no desire to visit her or to have anythig to do with her now. since i haven’t seen her in the last three months i have felt better about myself to be honest, i find that when i have contact with her she makes me feel guilty, even when i have nothing to feel guilty about, i am not being verbally abused and put down and made to feel awful about myself like she makes me feel with her words and looks. and then i have people telling me that i need to visit her because she is my mother. i don’t think that just because she gave birth to me that means that i need to stay in a relationship that is destructive and destroys my self concept and ruins any happiness that i have. so, now for the finale…. i still feel guilty for not going to see her even though she is so abusive. what do i do? what should i do?
Oh Kathy, I hear the hurt and the frustration. How difficult it is to continue to be hurt and to receive judgment from those who don’t know. The issue of loving has to start with you & God. Spend time in His Word as you seek peace. Make sure that you talk with your husband and trust his decisions even when they are hard. God will show you when to do more.
I also strongly advise finding a Christian counselor who can help you sort out your thoughts and see how your life is being affected. God will strengthen you and make your way clear.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Blessings, Amy A
Hi Kathy,
I am so sorry for all the pain that you have experience at the hands of your family. I also think that counseling could be very helpful in dealing with all of this hurt, betrayal and guilt.
I believe that some people forfeit the right to a relationship if they are constantly hurtful and abusive. You have to protect yourself and your family. But we can still love them even if you are not around them. You can pray daily for them, that God would heal and change them from the inside out. You can pray for your own heart that God would guard you against bitterness and anger or melt any of the bitterness and anger that you already have in your heart. You can love your mom by the way you talk about her to others and the thoughts you have towards her.
Stand firm in your convictions and let the word of God be your main rule for living.
Kathy,
I can very much empathize with your situation. My mother experienced a similar relationship with her mother. During a recent LGG study, I found this article while researching how to honor abusive parents because we are commanded to honor our fathers and mothers. I shared it for one of the ladies in my group who also deals with abusive in-laws and she found it helpful too. You deserve to be loved, you are loved by our God, your husband, and so many others in your life. Abuse is not love. I hope you can work toward forgiveness, even though I know that seems impossible. Like Amy said, lean on God. Pray to him, give him your pain in this situation and ask for his help in forgiving and trying to heal.
Sending love to you today and always,
Emily
http://www.luke173ministries.org/537996
The toughest part of love for me, is continuously forgiving someone when they do the same thing over and over. I always remind myself that I need to forgive, but I say and act like I do, but then I am privately grumbling about why they can’t get it threw their heads that I don’t like what they just did. My husband’s relationship with the Lord is complicated, and I feel he picks and chooses what he wants to follow. Because of this, when he is angry at me, he swears, yells, and calls me degrading names. When he calms down, he always apologizes, and always quickly accept. I now realize, that I am deceiving him and me. I need to stop just saying the words, and then not believe them. This is something that will be a long process for me, because of all the hurt and resentment I have built up, but I have the one and only God as my Savior, and I will give all this junk to Him. He is the only one who can truly make it right. Thru Jesus I will learn to truly mean the words I say in forgiveness, and what a huge burden that will no longer be carried on my shoulders.
Susan,
Your story really resonates with me on so many levels. Thanks for sharing so honestly and openly. — I am related to a “tough cookie,” and for years, I thought it was my job to set him straight when he misbehaved. So, I waved my finger a lot and had a great deal of righteous indignation about his bad behavior. Then, one day, I ended up sitting next to him in a hospital room. As I passed him the water and fluffed his pillow, he looked over at me and said, “Wow, you really love me, don’t you?” And it broke me in the biggest way. I realized on that day that God doesn’t need me to fix my crazy relatives — He just needs me to love them. It’s SO HARD, but I am thankful that Christ lives in me and helps me. I still fail on so many days and in so many ways, but I get a “do-over” every single day, and I just keep telling myself that God’s kindness leads to repentance, so I must try to be kind.
Praying for you tonight, Susan! God loves our “tough cookies” more than we do. He is going to help us to keeping on loving even when it is hard.
Blessings,
Lyli
LGG Encourager
I have a member of my family who has totally destroyed an entire family. She is loud, obnoxious, bitter, self-centered, refuses to listen, she uses anyone and everyone and lies and gossips about people who make her angry.
There are places in the Bible that say you should avoid these people because they destroy your spirit or drain it or something to that effect.
What should you do in those situations.
Beth, This type of situation is so difficult to overcome in our own strength. Lean into God and trust His Word. Romans 12:21 “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Blessings, Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Hi Beth,
You are right, there are some people who are very toxic and in order to protect ourselves and our families we have to keep our distance. But even then we can love them by the way we talk about them, by praying for them, the way we speak to them when we are around them and through our thoughts.
We need to get to a place that our hearts break for people like that because it is obvious that they are not happy people, that they are very broken and in need of Jesus.
It’s hardest for me to love those who have betrayed me, set me up by lying and caused me horrifying trauma and anxiety. Then they want to be respected and loved and I want boundaries because they are no longer trustworthy.
Mary Jean, Praying for your heart as you set boundaries that your heart needs to have set. Setting boundaries does not equal disrespect. Trust God to guide you in healing and any next steps.
Blessings, Amy A (LGG Encourager)
You are right, boundaries are very important, for healing and for protection. We can love those people through prayer and we can respect them by the way we talk about and to them. Praying for you!
This post reminds me of my responsibility as a true believer versus what I think I am sometimes entitled to. I serve on a team overseas with other believers. During a meeting, one of my friends made some pretty hurtful and hard to hear comments. In some ways it is just her personality, but this time it was particularly harsh. I kept waiting for an apology especially after others on the team spoke up in surprise at her words. After reading this, I am reminded that I should not wait for what I think I should receive from others, but behave according to the standard I see in my Savior Jesus Christ. I should not condemn or silently stew, but encourage and when necessary speak the truth in love. I am reminded of and grateful for grace.
Lynnette, Beautifully said. This sounds like a moment to appreciate those who stood for right by speaking up and letting go of the hurt. Praying God’s grace as you continue to work with the team.
Blessings, Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Yes! So beautifully put. We often get confused about truth and what our emotions tell us. We feel entitled to certain things and that can cloud our judgement. If we keep Christ in our sights then it will be much easier to love the way we should.
I have been seeking a bible study to help me spend more time in God’s word when I found this on the internet. I know that God has lead me to this site to teach me to walk in love. Right now I am struggling with some issues with my sisters who have crucified my character and left lots of pains in my heart. I love them and ask the Lord to help me to love them has he loves me. His word says if I don’t forgive I can’t be forgiven. My heart desires to walk in love with Christ and all others.